Whoa whoa, back up. Back up very far. I'm not using anything as an excuse. How can you possibly interpret my words this backwards. And you have the gall, no, the audacity to question my mental health. I need a moment to take in the fact that you're actually doing this.

So clearly I need to break apart my own statements because you seem to have no skill for interpretation.

I've told you this multiple times in other stories... it doesn't matter what the agenda is. when your story doesn't hold up, it doesn't hold up. You're asking us to wait for the good parts and that is simply bad. And don't tell me you aren't because you are using what you are planning as an excuse to why your characters are bad.

I want you to take a good long look at my post and ask yourself where in all those hundreds of words did I ever, even remotely imply, that everything that you have mentioned being a flaw in my writing is indeed not a flaw at all because of my intentions. And I'll give you a hint.

"It may not be your intention to destroy. It may be your intention to be constructive. But it is also my intention that you shouldn't hate my characters. It doesn't matter what your intentions are if you're not doing it right."

"It doesn't matter what your intentions are if you're not doing it right."

"It doesn't matter"

If you still need help answering that question, please tell me. Because I will direct you to this statement

Let's distinguish between what is being shown by the chapters and what is the agenda.

As the reader you're never meant to be told the agenda. You're meant to be told the story. So as the reader the agenda does not exist, only what is shown exists. If the agenda is not what is shown there is a problem. That's a big problem. A problem I can't ignore. The statement in orange and the statement in green need to match word for word or there is a big problem. When I made that statement I made it very clear to anyone with a stable psyche that I know what is happening, but I also know what should be happening and I know that it is not happening. Still with me?

Probably not.

If the story spent hold up and you have to explain the agenda then you're doing something wrong. You don't need to distinguish to anyone the difference between what's shown and the agenda. So why do you feel the need to unless you are actually trying to make an argument based on it. I'm here to tell you it doesn't matter so much that I hope you never bring it up again.

If it doesn't matter then instead of explaining what your agenda was you would've actually implemented it properly by now (in chapter 1). You say you know it doesn't matter but look what you're actually doing? Explaining the difference as if it did matter.

The problem you have is, you don't know what should be happening. You never have known. Let's be honest, did you even guess that I would write that as my agenda when you first read the story? You couldn't have, so how could you expect to be able to tell me exactly how to make that happen?

You would rather argue than fix tour story. I told you what the problem is. I'm not going to tell you how to fix it. Because I absolutely want you to try your hardest. Or finish the story without any reviews.

I don't think I've ever argued that the story shouldn't be fixed. I never once in any way implied that. I did indeed argue that I'm not suffering from any mental health issues. But that has nothing to do with the story and the only reason it was brought up is because you have a bad habit of scrutinizing things that are not up for scrutiny. You're not going to tell me how to fix it because you can't tell me. You have no idea. You know what's wrong with it. You very clearly do know what's wrong with it, but how to fix it? You don't have a clue.

This is your open invitation for me to write it for you and prove to you that i know enougb by challenging me to say I don't know what the agenda is. So don't ever say something like this again.

We have a socially inept person who has a construct that he uses to give himself moral support. There is hundreds of ways I could write it and make it an actually readable character. I've definitely told you before but for the dozens of times:

I don't tell you how to fix it because there are multiple ways to fix the problem. There's not one solution. So long as you understand the problem, you can fix it in a way where YOU feel comfortable. That's what you don't understand. So long as you attempt to fix the problem DIRECTLY rather than going around the problem. Amyrie isn't the solution to fix Jeremy.

Problem A: Jeremy is a sociopath and is irredeemable.. sociopath is an extremely negative trait not suited for a main protagonist especially if the goal is to empathize with him in some way. There's a reason why serial killers are usually sociopaths. And Jeremy is definitely serial killer potential based on the chapters you provided.

Solution A: Let's not make him a sociopath. If you understand what makes a sociopath then this is a no-brainer.

How to implement this solution:
You could make him less creepy and extreme to such simple situations. Give us more positive traits early or actually explain to some degree why he's like that. But at the same time we see such extreme situations without getting a full break down. Basically put all his negative traits on a microscope really.

I want you to put your own story under a microscope not me do it for you.

I think this stems from a very controversial thing that I said and that was:

I think the story would be unreadable if not for Amyrie.

Other people may have much higher standards for reading a story than me. I guess I just didn't make it clear whether or not I thought this and everything else you brought up was a bad thing. It's a bad thing. What this is saying is I don't like Jeremy either. He's not working, and I find myself more interested in Amyrie than anyone else. It's not good, it's a bad thing. I don't think I've ever denied flaws in my writing since FNO. You can go hang out with Jeremy in imagination land if you would like to believe that's what I'm doing, but I'm interested in constructing something, and it doesn't help me if you seek out to destroy it.

I have no intention of making you wait for the good parts. I never once suggested that. I want every part to be good.

And ive told you Amyrie doesn't work...shes a byproduct of the worst character in your story and she's not even a real character. Whatever she does is an act of what Jeremy wants. She is Jeremys crutch from reality. And not written in a compelling way. As i expect out of an imaginary friend.

On a scale of 1 to 10 for how serious the issue is. Jeremy is an 11. He makes me question the author. These specific scenes are coming from somewhere. These situations this character is in so out there and yet feel like this story is actually about a Serial Killer in the making. Read your story with that perspective and see how accurate this statement is.

THE GOLDEN GUIDE FOR TARA TO WRITE SIGNIFICANTLY BETTER  AND ACTUALLY MOVE FORWARD:
(Please I beg of you to write this down and print it out on paper and every time you write you look at it before asking for someone to look into your work so that we never have to repeat ourselves to the degree that we do).

#1) Make compelling characters actually compelling in the very  first chapter. They don't have to be loved but there has to be enough to follow a certain character. Also make them relatable in some way. Don't do any extreme life choices on this characters unless you fully intend to show the reader their thought process in that moment as to why they decided to make those choices. Whatever character values be sure to make clear on the first chapter even if it will change in later stories.

Look up the term Mary sue and Anti-Sues and be sure to remind yourself every single time you wrote what those are. And after that ask yourself is my character a Mary sue or Anti-Sue? If it's one those then you immediately failed.

Ask yourself: is this character too extreme? If so why? Is he appealing in anyway based on what I wrote? If not why?

#2) Treat your supporting characters with as much care as your main character. Don't just pump them out of a factory and give them a name. Give them actual personalities such as likes and dislikes that you can see in the story. Most importantly don't make your characters as plot devices only designed to habe one purpose. It needs to feel like due to the personality of the character lead to the events in the story.

Remember that readers don't ignore characters, they analyze them and try to see all the traits mentioned above even if it is hinted. If you can't explain why a character decided to do something purely based on their personality or traits then this character is a plot device.

I'd rather you give as much character personality in the first chapter than none at all. Reviewing becomes more easier and we can tell you what to cut or unnecessary rather than telling you you don't have enough.

#3) Show don't tell. You think I had to tell you this only once but this is why the guide is here. You have to do as much as possible to show events and development and not have characters just tell the reader with no actual visual or actual event that explains it. Showing is effective because we get to see how much it matters. If you tell us rather than show it means you didn't care much at all for the reader to understand it.

#4) Add as much visual description as possible in your scripts. Don't care that you don't like that. I'm tired of having such a strong disconnect from your story because you are uncomfortable sharing it properly. Poor writing leads to poor pacing which means I will point it out. I don't care if you feel you need to tell me by panel. I prefer that you don't but it would be better for everyone that you actually describe it in some way. Because believe it or not, if you're going to hire an artist you're better off actually drawing the basic layout of the pages anyways.

#5)  Make sure that you write with your goals second priority, making a good story first priority. Sounds crazy? Not for you. You have comes up with some of the most backward characters and story elements that I had ever seen. You are your worst enemy. The general concepts aren't bad but end up being destroyed by bad personal motivation. This is especially true for your fantasy based characters.

If your goals are getting in the way of making a good story then it needs to be scrapped on the spot or think of a new goal. Keep in mind that I didn't say your personal goals should be last, I said they should be second.

#6) If you get criticism and you intend to tell readers your agenda for your story. Dont. Unless we ask what your agenda is, take the criticism and if its related to what you have planned, implement the agenda early if possible or hint the agenda more frequently in the story. If you don't know how, then "ASK" and admit you don't know how. People can't write your story for you. We don't know what you are intending and we shouldn't if you are a seasoned writer. But if you are open to drastic change then say so. Otherwise we give you ideas you turn them down because of agenda and it's a vicious cycle.


#7) Reviews are great...but do your own research. You cannot rely on reviews alone. The process is much slower. Study how to make a good character based on countless of resources on the internet. Its usually good advice when it comes to characters.  Study how to make good dialogue. Even if you think you are good at it study it.in fact you should study the very aspects you think you are good at.



Last advise I will give for a long time. Just use this and you should have no problems making a decent story. I will come back when it's finished and you have at least attempted to implement ALL of these tips. Or if you prefer lose interest on your own.