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Author Topic: Blade Regalia  (Read 1426 times)

Tara

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #60 on: October 31, 2017, 02:13:55 pm »
Chapter 1 part 2

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« Last Edit: October 31, 2017, 11:04:04 pm by Tara »

Lumaria

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #61 on: November 04, 2017, 04:57:18 am »
So I re-read chapter 1 part 1 and part 2. t looks like the route you're going is that her significant other implanted the idea of becoming regalier rather than herself.


The vast majority of the story is she's far too impulsive and doesn't know a single thing about the world. It doesnt add anything to her character. No character exploration at all. You show no internal thoughts of her. Missed opportunities to give her a personality worth following.

There is also the obvious problem that you write entire scenes based around single lines. I don't see the benefit of starting the story of her immediately captured and already determining that she is a potential regalier. It's not even a good starting point for a game. I definitely believe you need to hire an additional writer if you're serious about working with this as a game.

Although you introduced a love interest and also her main motivation to move forward with the story, these two characters show no chemistry or even signs that they could be good for eachother. 

Katherine Smith is as boring and lifeless as her name. And I'm not interested in her story. Nothing about her convinces me too follow her. And you aren't writing her with care and attention. You're writing her like if she was a customizable avatar for a game which normally is the silent protagonist that chooses only a few lines. So you better off writing this as a real story first and then try to adapt it into a game after you have something solid.



I don't expect you to give all the details of this world in a silver platter but when you do give long periods of explanations make sure they are being explained properly.

What details should be said what shouldnt.


EXAMPLE OF BAD EXPLANATIONS:

Katherine: How is anyone supposed to fight like this!?

Elizabeth: That dress wasnít made for fighting, it was made for the same reason every noblewomanís dress was made. It just happens to also be a deadly weapon.

Evanya: It was made during a time where everyone wore regalia especially if you were a noble. Being powerful was like being wealthy. Itís what set you apart from the common man. The noble class were like gods and the peasants were but mere mortals who worshipped them. Even children wore Regalia. Some childrenís Regalia are even more powerful than Elizabethís. You can see why crafting Regalia soon became illegal.

^^^ This explanation makes absolutely no sense. If Regalia were designed to be powerful and not be used as a weapon. It makes you think how the entire civilation even functioned back then. This opens more doors than it needs to and doesn't even look like the story is promising more answers by the pacing. You definitely need to revise the origin of Regalia

Evanya tightens it again.

Katherine: Why couldnít they just get rid of it!?
^^ Here you're jumping the gun and making her ask a question as a form of bait to give more exposition. But that's not the first question that comes to mind. In fact It should be obvious just by deduction of what Regalia are and why they're used how they still exist.

Elizabeth: You should know this stuff. Even commoners can get an education courtesy of the church.

Katherine: I might have missed a few sessions of Sunday School.
I know you want to add religious miss, but I genuinely can't tell if this is a sarcastic comment or she's genuinely trying to excuse her lack of knowledge

Evanya: There was a cult. . . a radical movement of anti-regaliers. They wanted to destroy all Regalia and they nearly did but they were defeated by nobles who didnít want to give up their power. They did agree to destroy the secret to crafting Regalia but. Anyone who knew how to craft it took that secret to the grave.
^^Usually cults or radical movements have a name. And if the name isn't important then you can at least mention the cult was nameless. It's all in how you word your sentences. A better form would be "An Anti-Regaliers uprising began". Once again raises more questions than answers. Where are these nobles now? Which leads me to my next set of issues 
Elizabeth: They knew none of them would be dumb enough to actually destroy their own insurance policy. The royals who agreed on this were from all over the world and they all had grudges with each other.
 
Katherine: Insurance policy against what?

Elizabeth: Each other. If one of them betrayed the treaty and held onto their Regalia, that nation would have all the power in the world. Now our job is to simply maintain the balance of powers with the Regalia that was left over.
^^ Once again you are baiting a question with an awkward response that doesn't feel natural at all. Elizabeths responce just doesnt maks sense so of course Katherine will ask about it. Its not natural.This peace treaty isn't even established at all in your exposition dump and you make it sound like it was already explained but it wasnt.

Evanya: Wouldnít you rather that than be some Pulvian slave?

Katherine: Iíd rather a lot of things right now.

Evanya: The problem is you can only draw power from a Regalia if it fits you. So, we have to do these censuses that record everyoneís physique. People come from all walks of life to wear a Regalia simply because no one else can.

Elizabeth: Even beggars right off the street could get selected.
So this responds would work if you explained more properly your story. Make an outline of the origin and history of Regalia. Then carefully outline who will reveal what and make sure it's as natural as possible. Don't "bait" your characters for the sake of a responce. They're going to ask questions anyways so make sure they're the most reasonable and natural questions.


Tara

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #62 on: November 07, 2017, 12:00:54 am »
I was a bit too focused on the plot and I've thought long about it. I think it would be best if there is less continuity. What I mean is for the players to experience the story at select parts. Give them bits and pieces of the universe and ultimately allow them to fill in the blanks themselves. After all, that's what a game is isn't it. It's an interactive experience.

This method also insisted upon long stretches of time without gameplay and I didn't like that. So there won't necessarily be chapters or plot arcs, rather there will be events that might reveal new secrets about characters and their past and the importance of different environments you explore.

Lumaria

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #63 on: November 14, 2017, 08:43:13 pm »
I'm only reviewing a story. I'm not reviewing a game. So is this story gone?

Tara

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #64 on: December 02, 2017, 03:43:16 pm »
I think it's still worth writing as a story. This is a little introduction where I decided to do something more interesting. I decided to have this scene follow the person who wore the Blade Regalia before Katherine.

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Lumaria

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #65 on: December 06, 2017, 06:26:47 pm »
Same issues of chapter 1 apply to whatever this chapter is. Forced exposition that doesn't come off naturally and sometimes even redundancy added in.

This chapter felt like trying to give exposition for future chapters. If this was revealed at the right time you wouldn't have to give so much exposition.


Still I can't move forward with this story until you start fixing the bigger issues. Give Katherine actual personality. You start revealing information naturally. The golden rules are not being applied.

Tara

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #66 on: December 14, 2017, 09:58:12 am »
I'm still experimenting with giving information. Here it's spoon-fed just like it is in a lot of popular anime.

But I should let you know I have no intention of changing anything about Katherine. I will still be refining the story to make it easier to read, but her personality will stay the same.

Lumaria

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #67 on: December 15, 2017, 03:36:45 am »
I'm still experimenting with giving information. Here it's spoon-fed just like it is in a lot of popular anime.
they do not spoonfeed it like you just did. No one brings up heavy details of lore in casual conversation unless it's not a casual conversation.

 
Quote
But I should let you know I have no intention of changing anything about Katherine. I will still be refining the story to make it easier to read, but her personality will stay the same.

I'm not asking you to change Katherine. I'm asking you to put more into it. Is it really so difficult to come up with a character with personality and make it obvious and natural?

Because characters don't act natural, your story doesn't make sense. I'm not going to read another chapter until you "fix" and "expand" the first one. No more do overs. Do you know why we get tired of giving you advise? It's the same advise. You simply cannot comprehend what makes a good character.

EDIT:

SO I'm going to ask you the same question I always ask you every single time you make a new story with a new character: Why should the readers care about your main character based on what you revealed in the chapter so far.


« Last Edit: December 15, 2017, 04:52:40 am by Lumaria »

Tara

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #68 on: December 18, 2017, 02:42:55 pm »
SO I'm going to ask you the same question I always ask you every single time you make a new story with a new character: Why should the readers care about your main character based on what you revealed in the chapter so far.

This time I will answer this question, not for your sake, but for mine. I'll be quoting from my chapter.

"You have been drafted to wear a Regalia."

I think the term "selected" makes more sense in the context of that sentence, or even "appointed", but I use the term "drafted" for a reason. For a lot of people, especially men, "draft" is a trigger word. It has that connotation that you're going to die, or at least that you no longer have control over your life.

In previous versions I made it very clear that Katherine does want control over her life, even if it meant ruining her relationship with her parents. Essentially, she's willing to do anything to have control over her life. I have not made that apparent yet, but that is taking place in this chapter.

So how does Katherine respond to being "drafted". I was told there were a few options: Say that you can't for religious reasons, defer service until you finish school, move to Canada, or join the Airforce voluntarily to avoid being drafted into the infantry where most people think they're most likely to die or get injured. Fight or flight. Fight would be accepting it and flight would be any of those options.

Katherine fights, and that's supposed to be admirable.

The mention of Dianne is meant to drive this home. She's not actually a character in the game and only exists to tell this story and she shows the reality of this situation. Katherine is being drafted because the previous Regalier died. And then she'll die and the cycle starts all over again. So that's why I wanted to add a scene to precede what I wrote for chapter one about Dianne to push this farther.

Yes. Katherine tries to run away at first, but there's a reason for that.

"Luther: No. Donít you see, Katherine, this is exactly what we need. You need to become a Regalier."

"Katherine: Weíre at war with Pulvia, and maybe you donít know what theyíre capable of, but I do."


This relationship is complicated and I have problems with it because of that. I think you're right I dropped the ball and missed out on a chance to express their chemistry. I was more focused on the death of this relationship, than the life of it. Katherine is naive and we'll see more about that later, but this exchange is their relationship. Summarized. So Katherine is a refugee and she doesn't have any family so she doesn't have a father who would traditionally prepare a dowry for her suitor to take and this could be an incentive to marry her over another suitor. So Katherine reveals that she was pretending to be a beggar possibly for years to collect enough money to have a dowry. We can imagine she only had pennies against offers of thousands and that changed when "Niko" the magician/illusionist/wizard, gives her a highly valuable coin.

When he did that, he created a future for her relationship with Luther. If she didn't believe she and Luther had a future, would she have fought the draft? Would she even have a reason to live?

"Niko: That would be boring."

We see that he does this because he finds her entertaining, and naturally wants to push for as much conflict of interests as possible. So Luther says You need to become a Regalier. He doesn't seem to be concerned for Katherine's safety in same way that she is. And she says "Maybe you donít know what theyíre capable of, but I do." Meaning she does believe that it would be dangerous to become a Regalier. She would destined to end up like Dianne.

Niko and Olsin are obviously two puppet masters working things behind the scenes which is a perfect antagonist for Katherine because their main goal is to take away everyone's control over their lives. But we haven't gotten to see much about them yet.

Throughout the entire draft process we see that Katherine and Elizabeth don't get along. That's what's supposed to be relevant the rest of the chapter. But Elizabeth and Katherine actually mirror each other. They're both projecting their feelings about the draft system onto one another, and they're both victims of it.

"Queen: There are ways to gain power without Regalia."

This statement is important because it gives Katherine a goal. Now of course she says "I want to have a normal life", but that seems pretty difficult in her current state, but the draft system exists purely because of the rules of Regalia and the Inquisition. So if they could gain power without Regalia there would no longer be a need for this draft system theoretically, and Katherine could have her life back in control.

So overall we're still establishing a few things about Katherine.
She's naive. Too naive to see that lover doesn't actually love her.
She's strong, mentally and physically. Able to deal with things well that most people can't, and able to hold her own against a Regalier. She's a survivor, the story hints at her escaping something horrible in Pulvia that her family didn't even survive.
Her goal is to take back control over her life.

Lumaria

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #69 on: December 21, 2017, 03:20:15 am »
Ok so I'm not going to quote all of that but once again you are doing bad writing practices.

In responce of your word choice explanation:

The choice of using "the draft" is so bad, you went on a full tangent trying to explain the relevance of it just by how people normally react to it.

Normally people do say "being drafted". But no one would say "the draft" as constant as you do. Because you fell into your bad writing habits of focusing on something so miniscule, you end up hurting the dialogue of your entire chapter whenever the word is used.

Going against the flow of natural word choice is horrible idea. You either build a completely different language structure or you don't. There is no inbetween.

I notice you try to use single pieces of conversation that once again don't add anything to the story. Only hint something.


Solution:
Stop choosing specific small things that cause a chain reaction of the way you tell your story and only focus on telling it properly. Especially if you sound naive focusing on it.

By all parts. I expect "the draft" to be removed and reworded to something far more natural.

In response to your sad excuse for Katherines development

When I ask you what makes Katherine great, You shouldn't answer with what you planned. Only what you already have for us to read at the moment. And you always make this mistake. I'm not looking reasons for why I should read part 3, I'm looking for reasons why you think part 1 And 2 established her enough to even continue. And if you can't answer that with those limitations, then that proves your writing is bad. I should be invested in Katherine by part 1 and you haven't.

You explained to me that Katherine's main personality trait is that she's naive. I think you underestimate how bad of a trait that really is for a main character. Naive is more than just lacking experience and knowledge (like a video game character) it's also lacking judgement. And all main protagonist start off a little naive but in no way shape or form is that the "main" personality trait. Characters are made up of many many traits that make up their personality. 

You're going to have to start figuring out which character traits are good for a character to have and which arent. Her being Naive is a bad choice and you're naive for even trying to focus on that as her main personality trait and that's also because it conflicts with every fact we know about her.

Remove the entire personality and let's look at her past:
She was originally born and raised in Pulvia. She lost her parents because of "something" and she managed to escape Pulvia (which are capable of something unspeakable) and managed to make it to Sanctum.

Based on this description. Naive wouldn't be the first thing that comes to mind. First thing is: Resourceful because she managed to escape Pulvia. Second: Strong/Smart because she managed to survive whatever happened to her parents even if it meant completely avoiding it. She must've used that to survive on what she learned in Pulvia.

So why does her past conflict with the personality you want out of her? If you want to keep her naive then the original parents origin fits her better than this.

Also you have not established what she doesn't have control over. Yes the obvious being a regalier means less control but she still has some control. We don't know what having control means for Katherine and what it means to her when she finally achieves it. So we cant relate to her need of wanting control.

Having control is just a side effect of what she really wants. What does she really want? What does having control allow her to achieve??


Example: Terra Stregada. I constantly set up that Caprice has a bad gaming addiction that caused her and her fiancee to break up. Her goal is to overcome her addiction to gaming because she believes she will be able to win her fiancee back.

Every character has flaws.

Flaws help humanize them and make them relatable to us (the reader). When you write flaws with that in mind, Being naive isn't a great trait to relate to main protagonist. If written well, certain flaws can be very serious and even hard to relate at times. These flaws can be a main focus in the story to overcome and become a better character. This is called "character development". However, in order for readers to endure these hard to relate flaws, there needs to be REDEEMABLE QUALITIES!!!

Redeemable qualities are traits that make up some of the flaws and also show off the "potential" the main character has. It's like a promise to the reader that if they stick around they can see an even better character in the future. You have to establish core personality traits  that make characters enjoyable to read for readers. What good character traits does she have? These core personality traits will remain through beginning to end even when the character overcome their key flaws.

Characters can have multiple flaws and multiple redeemable qualities. A good supporting cast that can highlight those personality traits help reader recognize that these are flaws and redeemable qualities.

Solution:


You will have to establish her core personality, Her goals before being drafted all in Part 1.

You may have to explore her current lifestyle before she gets drafted in order to achieve this, even If it's just a taste. And youll  definitely have to find a way for her to get drafted that doesn't come off as completely random.

And most importantly. You will have to show the readers her THOUGHTS. Whateber the character is thinking, put it down. And this isn't just by Part 1. In every part where their thoughts could give us insight on their personality (however small) should be added in. And not limited to just her. Any character who you think is has equal amount of personality to Katherine will need to show off their thoughts to the reader as well.

Regarding your bad world building:
Once again, you do not build your world properly. And the worst part is you had more than enough opportunities to build a proper world. We have Sanctum and we have Pulvia. Apparently they're at war and everything is being dropped into casual conversation "like it doesn't matter to them".

But if they're at war with eachother why does the story casually establish Katherine being a Pulvia refugee living in Sanctum? And how come no one has any reservations of giving her a regalia to fight for Sanctum?

Missed opportunities because the story doesn't treat itself seriously.

YOU constantly go against the flow of world building. You've brought up Pulvia so many times and yet we know nothing about them.

YOU introduce so many things like Regalier and anti-regalier that you don't establish it properly and what it means to the reader. If Katherine is going to be the main protagonist and we are suppose to see most of it through her eyes, then we need to see the world explained to her. And if there are things only she can explain to readers that only she knows than have her explain it.

Solution:
This involves character development to. But you cannot ignore this in part 1 And part 2. You have to establish what kind of country or nation Sanctum is and you have to establish what kind of nation Pulvia is. Why theyre at war with eachother and you have to establish it by Part 1.

And I know what you're thinking: I already have the origin of Regalia in part 1, theres just too much. That can be turned into a short prologue. Plus that is the cringiest explanation for the origins I've ever written. I already explained to you the massive flaws in the flow of conversation in that. I'm surprised you haven't revised it.



if you cannot follow every single solution given. Then consider this your last review. I truly believe 100% that if you follow the solutions given you will finally understand what it means to write a good story or at least make significant improvements from there
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Tara

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #70 on: June 29, 2018, 05:03:56 pm »
Let's take a step back and look at the essence of Blade Regalia.

Blade Regalia is a story about a world where everyone is playing the wrong role. These aren't metaphysical roles like I talked about in FNO or the Cannibal, but actual roles in their world. Helen is too young to lead a nation. Lucius isn't faithful enough to be a religious leader. Katherine isn't passionate enough to be a soldier. This is all a result of Regalia and its rules within the world.

The character's passions then work against their circumstances. Lucius wants to be in control, and doesn't want to put faith in things he can't explain. Helen wants to enjoy her childhood and escape her responsibilities. Katherine wants to live a peaceful life, not the life of a soldier. She's also being drafted to go to war with her home country.

What lends the antagonist to be advantageous is not their power, but the fact that they actually fit into their role. And their passions line up with their role. I tried a few times to depict members of "Sanctum" fighting members of "Pulvia". I always had Sanctum losing for this reason. It is meant to be a personality driven story.

Katherine being drafted the way she was, was meant to be a statement like this could happen to anyone. This could be you, where one minute your life is in control and then suddenly you're thrown into a role that is the last thing you ever wanted. And there are 140 playable characters that are each dealing with something different. Regalia itself becomes symbolic. "You're dressed like a soldier, so go out and fight, Katherine". If it walks like a duck. Quacks like a duck. Then it must be a duck.

That's the very basic breakdown of what I want from this story moving forward, and it's very exciting to see that come to life.

Lumaria

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #71 on: June 30, 2018, 10:26:10 pm »
Let's take a step back and look at the essence of Blade Regalia.

Blade Regalia is a story about a world where everyone is playing the wrong role.

I don't believe you intend a world to systematically work that way (otherwise you fall prey to being too predictable). Just that you want to push those themes into the story.

The problem with this being the core theme is that a lot of manga and anime use this as a common story element. Naruto, Bleach, One Piece. they all use this theme of characters having a role that doesn't work with their overall personality.

So you're going to have to push this theme at a level others havent before. Which i dont trust you to succeed in it yet. OR push another theme in the story.

Quote
These aren't metaphysical roles like I talked about in FNO or the Cannibal, but actual roles in their world. Helen is too young to lead a nation. Lucius isn't faithful enough to be a religious leader. Katherine isn't passionate enough to be a soldier. This is all a result of Regalia and its rules within the world.
And yet, we seen many stories that have characters like Lucius, Helen, and Katherine. If you intend to do this like manga and anime, the trope is used to death.

Quote
The character's passions then work against their circumstances. Lucius wants to be in control, and doesn't want to put faith in things he can't explain. Helen wants to enjoy her childhood and escape her responsibilities. Katherine wants to live a peaceful life, not the life of a soldier. She's also being drafted to go to war with her home country.
Lucius feels generic. i don't think this character will help you drive your themes unless you paint it as an actual flaw. but so far just feels like a general character trait. Helen again is a role we've seen one too many times.

Quote
What lends the antagonist to be advantageous is not their power, but the fact that they actually fit into their role. And their passions line up with their role. I tried a few times to depict members of "Sanctum" fighting members of "Pulvia". I always had Sanctum losing for this reason. It is meant to be a personality driven story.
So the trope you're painting is very very common. especially with a group of misfits joined together to fight off an antagonist that is at a huge advantage. I'm not sure how well you can execute this idea alone, but like i said: its a very common trope". it doesn't even feel like a theme for a story and more like a general feature most anime and manga use.

Quote
Katherine being drafted the way she was, was meant to be a statement like this could happen to anyone. This could be you, where one minute your life is in control and then suddenly you're thrown into a role that is the last thing you ever wanted. And there are 140 playable characters that are each dealing with something different. Regalia itself becomes symbolic. "You're dressed like a soldier, so go out and fight, Katherine". If it walks like a duck. Quacks like a duck. Then it must be a duck.

Katherine being drafted in general is enough to say "this could happen to anyone". thats usually what feeling people get when someone related to the main character or the main character themselves get drafted. So i dont understand why you wrote it the way you did.

Now heres something important: Even though the act of being drafted already gives you that feeling, it was poor executed because you really didn't explore the world around. Lets use Hunger Games as an example: Before Katniss has the annual lotery to participate in the Hunger Games, we see what kind of life she lives and there is some build up to it.

Pushing this theme further would feel less annoying if we knew who Katherine was and what she's leaving behind (and why its important for her). Especially when its done against her will.


Quote
That's the very basic breakdown of what I want from this story moving forward, and it's very exciting to see that come to life.
I dont know....i'm still concerned with execution. Here's my concerns so far, i hope you can address them here before stories are being posted:

Katherine: i hope you gave her a defining character trait that helps identify with her or connect with her at some level?

Sanctum and Pulva: IF Katherine lives in this town, i hope you give us an idea of what kind of lifestyle this town/city is.

Pacing: This probably adds to what the previous two concerns. But hopefully chapter 1 has enough story elements to not feel incomplete and move along the first chapter. There should be some "weight" to certain aspects of the story that i hope aren't thrown around lightly. For example, the war against Pulva and Sanctum. Always felt like it wasn't happening or it wasn't so serious, and thats probably because there was no impact added to anything that was explained.


Tara

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #72 on: July 01, 2018, 07:16:37 am »
There actually won't be anything more posted on here in script format. I may post finished illustrated/animated works or recorded gameplay in the future. I won't be posting any more chapters.

That is merely the foundation. I am treading lightly on what more I want from this story. For now, I want to see where this takes us.



Tara

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Re: Blade Regalia
« Reply #73 on: May 17, 2020, 02:29:13 am »
My own review of Blade Regalia

I thought it might be insightful to look back on this and provide some honest answers and talk about some of the changes that were made over the years.

Part 1: Introduction
As cringey as it seems, I started off playing with the same imagery as in Genesis. This played on the idea that clothing was a crucial step to becoming "like God" as it describes is a result of eating the forbidden fruit. This was actually done because an actual Church was sponsoring Blade Regalia, but donating money to pay for the studio and business to be put in place for Blade Regalia and future creative work.

So, to return the favor, Blade Regalia was meant to have a religion positive story. Not necessarily and evangelical or preachy story, but a story that paints religion or religious people in a positive way. For instance, we often see religious figures act as the antagonist, tricking people to believe a lie for their gain. Obviously this is common in real life, but in Blade Regalia, the religious people are the protagonists defending themselves from evil invaders.

This sponsorship was cancelled before any money was exchanged because we cut ties with that church shortly after. Now Blade Regalia has a story driven religion (a fake religion) revolving around "mystical crowns". The protagonists are still religious, but they aren't practicing any real world religions anymore.

Part 2: Katherine
Here I did make a very important change. Katherine (the protagonist) was originally native to Sanctum (the good guys) and I then made her native to Pulvia (the bad guys). The story basically says that getting a regalia is like winning the lottery. And then you get tons of money and fame, etc. I thought it would be pretty boring if the protagonist wants to win the lottery, wins the lottery, and then it turns out to be exactly how you expected. Originally I worked against this by making her a dispassionate person which really caused me to write myself into a corner.

So I did miss some great opportunities to showcase Sanctum and Pulvia as a place worth caring about because there's going to be a clash of cultures with Katherine spending her childhood in pulvia, and then a few years in Sanctum. Her accent, her mannerisms, the way she shows affection, etc would all be great things to expose upon especially when they're contrasting the way other people in Sanctum act. Lumaria brought up that there is a natural curiosity about Sanctum as a country and we're expected to care about a place we know nothing about. I was avoiding introducing non-playable characters or any characters who wouldn't appear in the game, this is the main reason why I never gave us a reason to be invested in Sanctum.

Having Katherine be from pulvia was a great decision because it created the most interesting version of her. Now Katherine is passionate about fighting (which is ideal because she's the protagonist of a fighting game). Katherine isn't necessarily passionate about fighting for Sanctum, but she just loves combat in general. So she has something she can be passionate about, while also facing a conflict against being chosen to wear a Regalia. I know that's not the only solution, but it's my solution.

Part 3: Bad Pacing
So Helen (the queen of sanctum) is an annoying character because she's a rule breaker. I spend tons of time explaining how regalia is the only way to have super powers and then Helen has powers for no reason. So now I have to explain how Helen has powers she shouldn't have, and then we're also trying to explain the inquisitors. The inquisitors are just an excuse to have this system where Regalia is like winning the lottery. It's not really necessary to establish the reasoning in episode one especially if I'm establishing rule breakers in the middle of it all.

Most of this exposition would be easier to understand if it's represented in a visual way, rather than by a narrator explaining it. I think we need more time set aside to establish a relationship between Katherine, Elizabeth, and Karina. I showed a little bit of Reina who is a character adapted from a previous story. Reina represents some very complicated emotions similar to "The Cannibal". So she was definitely challenging to work with.

The main challenge I faced was trying to maintain an artistic vision when I really didn't know what that vision was. The goal was to express emotions I was feeling, but I didn't have the self awareness necessary to share these emotions in the most interesting way because I didn't understand them well enough myself. So often times Lumaria would suggest changes that would conflict with that vision and I wouldn't know the best way to improve it while maintaining that vision. That vision was more important to me than making a successful serial comic.

 

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