Ah well perhaps I am making the same mistakes. I'm going to try and do some problem solving here and we'll take a look at it before I try to re-write it.

It should be obvious

Okay so I think there's a distinct interest in the mechanics of regalia. This is something that I want to avoid immediately because it's not supposed to be something that the main characters actually understand yet. For Helen to say that in her narration would be problematic to me of course. But, I can understand how you as a reader can feel like you're being cheated out of that information and I will takes some steps to offer that information to you immediately. I think the best way to do that is to show what a person can do with it on and what they can do with it off.

Not exactly as long for interest in the mechanics but what they are. Keeping this a mystery is pointless even if one gets a better understanding of it when seem in action. The problem still lies that you mentioned regalia  (knowing nothing about them) and then in the same NARRATION say that the world needed better regalia. Lack of context here.

Of course they speak about beasts, like the Leviathan in the book of Job, as if they are somewhat commonplace on earth and of course some people theorize that "dragons" are based on dinosaurs and that people did coexist with them in biblical times. So, I would think I could solve this problem by presenting a person and showing what they can do with normal clothing or no clothing, and show what a person can do while wearing regalia like defeating dragons. Even if I can't have a character explain the mechanics behind regalia just yet, I can have a character show what regalia can offer.

Beasts is a common word to describe something. Regalia in your story requires a brief description of what they are. Since it's the foundation of your story you can't just keep them a complete mystery. There has to be a basic understanding.

It's problematic that this information does not intrinsically seem relevant. I think what I need to do here is establish how Sanctum is a kingdom separate from other kingdoms purely by its theocracy. Mentioning the arch bishop was supposed to establish that sanctum in some way existed a thousand years ago, and perhaps that's a bit too cryptic of a way to communicate that. This was sort of the transfer into Helen speaking and leading into the full conversation with Lucius.

You just put it out there and no context as to what it means.  This is why there is a constant disconnect between readers and you. Because you write as if the story was only meant for you. You don't write in a way where others are meant to understand properly.

To this point we don't know what Regalia are. Not even in terms of the lore of the story. Helen apparently has some understanding but she's being more vague than she needs to be. You explained things way too fast rather than giving a slow transition of the world.

I see there is information missing here. The world this is happening in was taken from the map of FNO which is just a single big continent with a diversity that symbolizes the entire earth. All that map does is tell you Asians to the east, Europeans to the west, Africans to the south and sanctum is in the center kind of like the middle east, it's the holy land. But I understand there is a lot of political and geographic information missing here that I need to include.

please don't tell me this is you replacement for FNO.......because I can already tell this will be an uphill battle of you lying to me that it's not related to it and then as we point out more issues realize that it is.

Explaining the map of FNO doesn't help me understand this nation as Pivul. New King wanting to conguer the land seems pretty drastic. But even for just a vision we aren't getting a good idea of how bad it will be.

This was meant to be an informal situation between the two of them. I could take a different approach to the situation entirely. Ideally, Lucius is supposed to be someone she feels closer to and can be more vulnerable to whereas with others she would have to take on that godly image. I think it would be best if I put multiple situations here that show off the strong distinction, perhaps an actual strategic meeting and this encounter.

Luscious and Helen don't say anything too casual but they treat the important things casually which is a problem. The decisions based on casual conversation are drastically different. So that is the problem. Strategic meeting could be done. It also give us a taste of how government works in this nation.

I can see that, I could add some information there. I would say that it would be natural to have obligations to the church in her situation so I made her a part of a praise dance team. Players of the game would appreciate this lore because her character is based on the archetypal "Blade Dancer" class of RPGs and so her sword fighting skills and dancing skills work together to make her a perfect fit for the Blade Regalia even though mentally she's against both of those tasks. As Helen shows most people aren't mentally fitting into their Regalia anymore. But again I understand that information is missing there and I need to add some continuity.

I'm already getting a FNO vibe by Katherine being another form of Tara. Praise dancing??? This world gives off a strong medieval type but praise dancing is something far more modern and it's not even something most people do as a form of worship. It's strictly done by African American communities.

I think the problem here is the fact that Helen is missing information too, she doesn't have a full vision and she doesn't even know why the new king will suddenly be able to conquer them, but this is what she has to work with and she's trying to be faithful. I also didn't want to have her repeat herself too much having already spoken to Lucius. I think adding that information you mentioned was missing in the beginning would be a great service to this scene.

Explaining it differently would be enough. But really regardless of the situation she is physically compatible for a regalia. And the rest of the explanation can be done.

That comment about Helen trying to be faithful makes absolutely no sense. And the goal here is to get more understanding. Are you saying blind ignorance is part of the characters personalities? This is a problem. Me the reader (not player) don't know how much Helen knows or doesn't know. She apparently knows more but it doesn't seem the case.

I would say that I could have set aside more time to distinguish why this is so dramatic for her. We are missing a big piece and that is what exactly the blade regalia is and that would put the puzzle together very easily. As players would know she's a blade dancer. So I would need to show some indication that wearing the Regalia would mean she would be 1. Dancing, 2. Fighting, and 3. Serving the church which are 3 things she's known to be skilled at but has life goals dedicated to avoiding those 3 things.

Which nothing in this story suggests that. In this case how would Katherine know about that? I'm still strongly iffy about the praise dancing. She doesn't need to be a praise dancer to wear the regalia. That's just a coincidence that is clearly meant for you the wroter not the readers.

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A nu_de woman is frolicking through a beautiful garden conversing with a snake who is wrapped tightly around the branch of a tree producing a foreign fruit.
Unless if it's a radical re-imagining of the said reference , this may have been alot more better if you depict the reference itself . It saves you lots of time and trouble .

Girl : The serpent, though full of lies, knew the best way to make a lie convincing is to put some truth into it. It’s true, after we ate the fruit we became like God. Enlightened, we crafted the first Regalia out of the leaves of the garden which gave us the strength to fend for ourselves.
Better narration required that is readable and understandable to the readers . By reading this , I'm assuming that it's religion-related , so I can't make proper corrections nor I can understand what you're trying to tell me about .

Narrator: People never stopped wanting to become God. War broke out across the land in the rush for power people began to craft stronger, more efficient regalia. They turned soldiers into weapons of mass destruction, and humanity nearly eradicated itself. For the sake of future generations, the art of crafting regalia was taken to our ancestors’ graves. It has been long since forgotten.
Unless the girl's narration is for each setting/scene , group them all as one . Also , better writing required (the corrections made above in red are a few of that corrections on better writing throughout the whole script .

The scene changes to a young girl dressed in the clothing of a traditional nun. We are shown that she is the narrator who spoke. She is in a room of a chapel where many clothes are hung up, a wardrobe of regalia. She is accompanied by a knight in a full suit of armor but no helmet. He is quite tall and middle aged with silver hair cut short and sky blue eyes.
Better writing . Beyond repair on my end . Also , make use of typeface only to indicate a scene/setting , please . No need to tell the readers what it is ...

Girl : Now we wear the regalia left over from the wars handed down over generations for a thousand years. The Regalia I wear fits me purely by coincidence, but it doesn’t suit me at all. It was crafted over a thousand years ago for the arch bishop’s daughter.
Bad arrangement , left as it was , it creates disconnection . If the narrator is the girl , then it's the girl . The early revelation also feels very off , as if it wasn't introduced the right way (so , I crossed that out as it was) .

At the end of this point , I'm very , very lost . The first paragraph , I was thrown into a religious lore , then I'm in a rebellionious era in the next paragraph and before I make the re-arrangement , I was all peaceful . Three different pockets of historical lore narration all not connected to each other very vaguely , the link being solely on Regalia and even so , I still don't know exactly what Regalia is and it's importance that triggers the war . How is it that mere humans able to make God's weapon , and more efficient one at that , without eating the fruit and turning gods themselves ? If they're all gods , whats the point in calling gods 'gods' ? Why is it neccessary to even hide the secret when mere human had already made one better en masse ? Since it's now mass produced , it's no longer a secret anymore , even if you hide it because the other millions would still know how to make them and would most probably inherit all of those knowledge in forging a Regalia to their apperentice , right ? Doesn't that de-values Regalia if all of these happens to just a regular equipment ? Isn't it more sensible to craft something other than Regalia that only the gods themselves has the ability to craft and use ? Why Regalia should still be revered as a royalty equipment in the present ? Don't you think a thousand years is too much to even care to use , treasure or remember for something that a mere peasant can make ? Or that a lot of things can happen over the span of a thousand years , like a radical tactical change in warfare ? Furthermore , just who is this serpent ? Does it have any play in the lore and/or the present event ? What lies ? Is the garden just any garden or some special garden and if it is special , how are mere humans able to attain it , let alone the fruit ? What's the point of the fruit having a role at all if mere humans can make Regalia as well , but better ?

That's a lot of 'holes' being presented just for the lore alone and we haven't even gotten to the actual story yet ... .

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Knight: What do you mean it doesn’t suit you, Lady Helen? Well I’m sure she wasn’t as mature as you, but you love the Lord just as much as she did.

Helen: She was a lot fonder of pink than I am. I would’ve gone for a different color.

Knight: Pink? Your habit is black and white. Wait do you mean-
Better wording and writing .

Helen looks at him. The Knight blushes.

Knight: The underwear?

Helen: Haha, you said underwear!

Knight: I take back what I said about you being mature.
Is this even neccessary ?

Helen: I’m only joking, Lucius. Looks can be deceiving in this day and age. And at my age, most people wouldn’t see a leader in me. But just as God shaped my body to fit into these clothes he called me to this position for a reason.

Lucius: You are the Oracle of Sanctum.

Helen: But I’m not strong enough, not with this regalia.

Lucius: Not strong enough for what?

Helen: I had a vision. There is a new king of Pulvia, his armies will destroy Fort Peter and he will come to this church himself and demand that we bow down and worship him, or be destroyed.

The girl reaches for a dress adorned with many swords entitled the “Blade Regalia”.

Helen: But if I were to wear one of these, the most powerful regalia in all of the land, perhaps, I could have the power to stop him myself.

Lucius: You know you can only draw power from a regalia if it fits you properly. You’re much too small to fit into a dress like that.

Helen: I know but I just hate feeling like this. Demons are among us wearing humans as clothing, thousands of Sanctum’s citizens are suffering in poverty, and now this. And I’m stuck here meditating and reading all day. I feel so useless. I wish I could do more.

Lucius: You’ve done more than enough for all of the people of Sanctum. We are at your service, Helen. If there’s anything you need from me, you need but ask.

She turns to him.

Helen: Then I do have a request. There are four sets of regalia here. I need you to find the people who can fit into these Regalia.

This whole conversation is too casual for royalty standards . Also , lots of question starts popping out from this but all may be easily answered if you provided the character bio , summary , etc. before you post up the chapter .

At this point , I can't be bothered to fix the script for any grammatical , wording , composition , sentence structuring , etc. without having to re-do all of this re-writing myself . I keep encountering one after another pretty much next to each other or as a whole . Also , Regalia = proper nouns .

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The scene changes to a medieval nobleman’s home made of brick. In the garden behind the house a man and a woman are practicing swordplay in a duel against one another. The two fight as equals until the woman makes a sloppy decision. The man takes advantage of the opening and stops his weapon just before her throat as a sign of defeat.

The Man: It’s not like you to be this sloppy, Katherine. Something on your mind?

Katherine: Sorry, Dad, I just -

The Father: Your enemy won’t let you get away with that sloppy performance

Katherine: I don’t want to join the military, Dad.

The Father: Katherine, you know it’s our duty to serve our country as a Knight of noble blood.

He places his hand on her shoulder. Understanding her distress.

The Father: Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like, it’s a part of life. . . I think that’s enough practice for today. We’ll pick it up tomorrow.

Katherine: Alright.

Later that afternoon, Katherine is sitting on a bench in the garden reading a book. An older woman walks up to her.

The Woman: Katherine, this is second time you’ve missed dance rehearsal, you know they need you in the praise team.

Katherine: Sorry, Mom, but I’m old enough to start looking for a husband, and I

The Mother: That’s no reason to skip out on your obligations to the church

Katherine: Am I not allowed to feel excited about this?

The Mother: Katherine. You need to get your priorities straight. Who comes first? God or-

Katherine: Well the church and God are two different things-

The Mother: Katherine! Not another word.

The father approaches them accompanied by two members of the church, a blonde woman and a brown-haired man.

Katherine (Thinking): Inquisitors? But we already had our examinations this year.

The Blonde: Sorry to interrupt Mrs. Smith, but prophet Helen has ordered that we perform a physical examination of all citizens. Do not be alarmed, this is purely routine.

The Mother: Of course, this is my only daughter, Katherine.

The Blonde: It’s nice to meet you, Katherine. My name is Evie Thompson, and I’ll be your examiner today.

The scene changes to a more private room within the house where Evie is taking Katherine’s measurements. Stripped down to her undergarments, Katherine isn’t the least bit embarrassed; in fact, she is holding a conversation with the inquisitor.
Are you trying to make an erotic story here ? If not , this is absolutely unneccessary

Katherine: I swear talking to them is like talking to a brick wall. I don’t want to serve in the military. I wouldn’t have to if I married out of this family. I just want to be able to settle down, have a family and live a normal life.

Evie: Amen to that.

Evie’s eyes widen as she takes the last measurement.

Evie (Speaking to herself): You-you’re a perfect fit.

Katherine: Excuse me?

Evie: Get dressed, quickly.

Evie leaves the room as Katherine puts her clothes back on.

Katherine: What was that all about?

Katherine (Thinking): “perfect fit” . . . for a regalia?

Evie returns with the other inquisitor.

The Man: Ms. Smith, we need you to come with us.

Evie: I’m really sorry about this, Katherine.

The inquisitors take Katherine to the Cathedral where Helen was speaking with Lucius. The take her to the wardrobe room where only Helen and two others were waiting, a boyish young man and a young woman no older than Katherine. Katherine quickly bows down with her head to the ground.

Helen: Please, tell me your name.

Katherine: Katherine Angela Smith, I’m at your service, ma’am.

Helen kneels down and pulls Katherine’s head up by her chin.

Helen: Rise up Katherine, for this is a momentous occasion. Sanctum is in a time of crisis. The armies of Pulvia have risen up under a new king. Our armies are not strong enough to face this new enemy and so we must take advantage of the regalia left behind by our ancestors

Katherine’s eyes widen and she remembers Evie’s mysterious apology.

Katherine (Thinking): Eli . . .

Helen: The Lord has chosen you three to wear the regalia because you are the only ones who can.

Katherine (Thinking): Eli . . .

Helen: You are our last line of defense. You will have the power to move mountains at your fingertips. Say goodbye to your normal lives.

Katherine (Thinking): Lema sabachthani!

Translation: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

I would've given you an F on your English for such an amateur mistake in writing . Do you call your own father or somebody else's father 'The father' ? The blonde ? What blonde ?

http://www.englishpage.com/articles/a-an-vs-the.htm

You don't refer a random person or an unidentified person making that perticular dialogue by adding 'the' . This is the first time in my entire life reviewing stories written in script form that does this .If it's a random man initiating that dialogue , call it 'Man' . If there are more than two man initiating seperate multiple dialogues but you want to make the readers know who is speaking what dialogue , give them visual cue(s) e.g : Blonde man and Ugly-looking man . If the unidentified man had a relation with another person , specify it e.g : Martha's dad , Peaface's twin brother .

Incomplete , but do I have any reason to finish this anymore ?

I'll take my leave .

EDIT : Document dumping .

My agenda:
I have 118 characters each with their own distinct abilities appearances and backgrounds and my task is to build some continuity between them through a serial work that introduces characters in the order in which they are released into the game. It is my personal decision to acknowledge the church that has supported the development of Blade Regalia. This is the reason why there are religious constructs brought up in this story. For the sake of writing the story, the answer is no, not one of these 118 characters is even slightly necessary, and no, the religious constructs are not necessary either.

And this is Why it absolutely has to be distinct from the video game. I can't tell you how to make a good story as a game. A video game involves a lot more. You can forgive a lot of pacing issues because players usually have control of the pacing. The story telling is through player control. Translating this as a "graphic novel" just doesn't seem to work.

But with that said you just proved how much you push your agenda against the story where it is in red. I want to clarify that everyone has some form of agenda in their story. We all have our own bias and anyone telling you they are unbias is a liar.

The goal should always be to make a good story first, agenda second. You cannot force an agenda into a story.  And this is a problem with a lot of christian-based (not christian-inspired) books. They come off more preechy than entertaining. When You saying the 118 characters you made up aren't necessary or the religious constructs. Then you are admitting that you are not in it to improve your writing.

The religious construct at it's core is a basic aspect of your story. But nothing as to why it's the only one. Manga have covered A lot of religious ideas before. Difference Is they wanted you to get invested in a world where religion is an important aspect to them and how it effects the characters. It usually moves the story forward in less direct ways.

But in yours, it feels a little too preechy. You immediately have God giving direct visions to one of the Head priestess, and immediately taking action. Here these characters loyalty to  their God  is the main selling point (which you have correlated with the Christian God) . Nothing else is moving these characters forward.

Especially when absolutely nothing else exists in this world.  Good story first, agenda second. If the agenda is getting in the way of a good story. Sacrifice the agenda. Because if you can't write a good story,

I will take note of this, and approach it in the next rendition. The reason why I did not make her a regular dancer is because it seemed odd to have both obligations as a future soldier and a dancer. These two things seemed like tasks that you would specialize in. I would think that not every blacksmith was also a tailor and a carpenter. But if it was for the church we could excuse the multiple tasks as the church would often be a second obligation, like paying tithes is just like a second tax from the government. The purpose of this is to give her immediate skill in the task of dancing. This could be something for her to learn later. This is not something that's necessary, nor is it something that I care about personally.

dancing doesn't have to be an "obligation". But the problem is that you're trying to make everything too on the nose. If you want her to be a dancer and a warrior that's fine. But honestly you lack so much creativity.

First of all, why does she have to be a warrior? A common trope in any writing is that they take a skill they already know and apply it to the skill they need to acquire.

So Katherine immediately being skilled at both just makes such a lack lister character. It proves you weren't thinking about a good character developing or how the story will progress, you were only focused on how it fits as a game character.

As an interesting plot point of the Blade Regalia is suppose to reach it's maximum potential by having both skills as a warrior and dancer, then it would be more entertaining I'd she was skilled in only one of them at first as she trains on the other.

But to be honest, with this story moving for a strong religious tone. Regalia as a form of war just don't seem to male any sense. Especially a "Blade Regalia". It makes sense if it wasn't trying to be based on the Christian God and just invent one for the story. But you refuse to focus on telling a good story.

I do want to mention my main concern is story. And my worries come from many reviews from the same person. I don't want to be harsh but I do say what I feel is the problem with these stories.

And usually in this case it's the writer. The same mistakes tend to repeat.

For the record I tried this approach before. It doesn't always work for everyone. The cycle of reviews when we try that approach is 1) We trust that there is more 2) reveal the odd character traits and odd pacing 3) revealed how it's connected to a very bad idea that doesn't help move the story forward. 4) he presses the reset button and asks us to trust that the new version is better even though the process repeats.

However I don't want the entire story. But just enough to lay a proper foundation. There were still too many gaps for basic comprehension of the plot and themes.

In a vast green garden , dotted with patches of colorful flowers and trees bearing vibrant fruits with radiant light illuminating the scene , giving a heavenly-like setting . Under a tree , a naked female figure stands under it , staring at a fruit hanging within' arms reach .

Narration : The forbidden fruit - bearer of gift and knowledge of Gods , comes at a sinful price when touched or eaten . In God's Will - whomever touches or consumes it shall be punished for giving in to their temptation - a banishable punishment no different than death itself . No one in the heavens under the god's protection and guidance had ever dared to defy it , or so it was .

A serpent slithering down from the tree , staring at the girl with a sinister look , evoking fear in her as she's unable to avert gaze .

Narration : "Why do you resist such temptation ?" the serpent speaks , "Is it because you can't defy God's Will ? You fear 'His' wrath ? With this gift , you can gain 'His' gift and be god yourself and you don't have to fear 'Him' no longer . You no longer need 'His' guidance and 'His' embrace anymore - you are ... free , free to do what you wish for , hope for or more , free from everything , even from all of sins you had before . Isn't it a blessing to be one step closer to understanding God himself ?"

The fruit on her hand with a piece of it being eaten away . A glowing , warm light shines from a distance .

Narration : Believing the serpent's words , she consumes the fruit . A flow of enlightenment and soothing feeling coarse through the body . A thunderous sound , enough to rattle hearts soon follows - she faints from it . In her unconscious mind , she had realized that she gave herself in to temptation - the divine punishment - she accepts the fate that befalls onto her .

In a stone-walled building , decorated with draperies with a similar emblem on all and several chandeliers strewn on the walls and on the roof . The center of it , a large bed befitting of a royalty is where she lies with a beam of light shining down on her while being cared for by a few people in nun-outfit . At the distance , there are hundreds of people either on their knees and palm together or having their foreheads touching the floor .

Narration : Upon opening her eyes , she was in unfamiliar place . She attempts to flee in fear , only to be stopped by a person tending to her . She weeps and pleas to her for her blessing , similar pleas echoes throughout the chamber . "Please God , bless us with your protection !" . While in a state of disbelief , a ray of light beams down onto her . Looking up , she can feel a familiar warmth - she closes her eyes , embracing that warmth . "Redemption is a form of purification . Answer the needs , and you shall be forgiven" , the God spoke to her in her mind - A feeling of hope and faith came flowing back within her , knowing that she wasn't forsaken . Following God's Will , she seeks redemption , she answers to their pleas , her power and knowledge of the Gods coarse through her body .

By the window of the chamber she's in . Beyond it , a city under fire with several hundreds of people within the area holding back close to a thousand people from approaching the inner castle gate , all clad in armors and swords . Under the window emits a bright light with her in the center of it , surrounded by several dozen people , all awe-struck .

Narration : Gazing out through the window , she's witnesses and hears the same plea for help from the suffering . Fully understanding their prayers , she grabs on to a sword and a piece of plate armor lying all damaged on the ground nearby and recites her prayer faithfully while holding the two pieces close to her . A warm , bright light emanates from her , putting people within' the vicinity in an awe-struck state . In that light , the armor and the sword was seen by those with keen eyes , transforming itself into something new , something different .

In the same chamber , several soldiers outfitting themselves with the equipments blessed by the girl . The remaining soldiers are seen carrying remnants of armors and swords from outside the chamber into the chamber and being placed in front of her while she continues her prayer .

Narration : "Wear them with God's blessings" , she blesses one of the soldier as she offers it to him in the chamber . "Offer me all of this and I shall bless them all in God's Name !" as she holds up a broken sword and damaged breastplate . Standing in the middle of the chamber , surrounded by all the damaged equipments that the soldiers could salvaged , she recites her prayers again .

*Two-parts panel*
(Panel A) In a middle of a burning town not far from the castle , several dozens of soldier clad in blessed equipment fighting along other soldiers in normal equipment against the opposing force , with some from the opposing force displaying a fearful face . In a distance , a ray of light can be seen emanating from the castle .
(Panel B) Several surviving soldiers clad in the new armor and sword thrusting their sword into the air while watching the fleeting opposing force on top of the walls , expressing their victory in a glorious manner

Narration : With the Gods by their side , they had a renewed faith and motivation - they fought back the invading forces . Witnessing the newfound power and determination of these soldier clad in the new armor and weapon , the opposing forces were struck in fear as their numbers started dropping rapidly . Despite the number odds , the tide was turned . Fighting a now losing battle , the opposing forces are forced to retreat - victorious at last . After months of war , they stood on top of the wall , thrusting their sword up in the air , they owe their thanked the Gods for granting the peace the kingdom had hoped for Feeling the need to thank the Gods , they went back into the castle to offer their upmost , lifelong gratitude , only to be faced with the shocking 'message' ...

In the throne room . The girl standing in the middle of it radiating light and steadily turning translucent while a beam of light shine down on her is seen comforting a few weeping people dressed in a nun outfit who are holding onto her while kneeling . Several soldiers in the foreground standing by the doorway in a state of shock .

Narration : "I have redeemed myself . I must go back to the heavens to be by God's side ..." she solemnly bids them farewell . As insistent they are , they know they can't hold her back down - she do not belong here . "O' blessed God , before you ascend , I wish to know your name , I beg of you !" they pleaded . "Regalia" , she answered , just before she disappears . There was a moment of solemn silence in the throne room , until someone breaks the silence with two words ...

In the throne room , present day . Behind the throne , a series of chevettes housing 'God-blessed' armors and swords that are worn by the soldiers in the past . A girl dressed in a princess outfit is seem standing next to a man clad in helm-less armor with silver-long hair , both looking at one of the equipments displayed .

Princess : "Regalia Blade" . They find honoring her Gift on behalf of the Gods by naming the equipments she had blessed for them after her the best way . And for more than a hundred years , it's been kept here , awaiting the next batch of heroes to adorn them , continuing the God's Will that had been bestowed on the previous bearers . *Touches one of the armor*

Knight : Your majesty ...

Princess : One of this set is the one I can wear and had been for years . I wonder if I could find the others who will adorn the rest of these alongside me ...

Knight : Your majesty !

Princess : Didn't I warn you to not refer me to 'your majesty' , Lucius ? I'm too young to be a queen yet and most importantly , I have a name *frowns face* !

Lucius : P-pardon my impoliteness , Princess Helen *lowers head* ...

Helen : ... do you want me to-

Lucius : Anything but that , Helen . Please don't chop off my 'pride' again ! *shivers in fear while grabbing onto his hair*

A flashback of Lucius and Helen back when they were teenagers . Helen is seen swinging a practice sword recklessly and accidentally shaving off most of Lucius's long hair off his head . Lucius wore an expression of disbelief .

Helen : *Sigh* I kind of wish that you'd treat me the same way before when you didn't know I am a princess - as friends . Can you drop all of that honorifics and talk casually , please ? We're not in a 'Royalty' situation here ...

Lucius : O ... kay ... *lowers head* ... um , may I know the reason you call me here ?

Helen : ... I had a 'vision' again .

Lucius : The same 'vision' ?

Helen : *Nods head* But this time , it feels too real to be disbelieved . The enemy we're fighting with in the past ... it seems as if they had something in their possession that will bring this kingdom down ...

Lucius : You are the Oracle of Sanctum (still figuring out this one . If I find it absolutely unnecessary , I'd modify this dialogue) ! To top it off , you are one of the stron-

Helen : *Shakes head* No , I'm actually not as strong as the God's foretold . Not even a strong as what the new king of Pulvia had in my vision . He ... he armed an army and obliterated Fort Peter with it ...

Lucius : Impossible ...

Helen : *Gloomy* ... *Turns head while clenching fist and putting on a serious face* I've decided . Lucius , I have an order for you !

A bird's eye view of the city center not far from the castle gate and the castle , stone buildings with wooden support beams , some single storey and others two encircles a central plaza with a large , female statue wearing an armor and wielding a sword with a large engraving 'Lady Regalia , God's Messenger , Goddess of (Whatever Kingdom it is , it doesn't have a name until now . So I'll shamelessly name this unnamed kingdom Mirdgar)' being the center of it . A consecutive , successive rings of building of similar architecture radiates outwards from the center , dotted with stalls throughout the city center and far in the background , an outer wall is seen , surrounded by several hills and dense forest . The general populace that populates the city a dressed in a typical Medieval Renaissance outfit , ranging from the lower-end commoners to high-end influential with the addition of soldiers in armor and nuns and monks patrolling around .
City of Mirdgar , several days later ...

A common-looking house . An anvil , a hammer and a furnace are seen on it's side and a straw dummy partially hidden behind the house . Sound of steel clashing on to each other can be heard from behind .

Young girl : *Falls on to the ground* Gyaa-auch !

Middle-aged Man : Pick up your sword . Let's try again !

Young girl : ... no .

Middle-aged Man : I'm teaching you what's necessary to become a soldier , my dear Katherine . It's in your blood ! The same thing as me , your grandfather , your -

Katherine : I'm not interested in your "sweat-y" talk , smelly-pops !

Katherine's father : Wha-

Katherine : *Hurls the practice sword in her hand high up into the air* Bleergh ! *teasing*

Katherine's father : My blood and sweat ! Why you ungrateful ...

A series of chase scenes between Katherine and her father throughout the city which ends in the slums close to the outer walls of the city . Along the way , a series of incidents and mishaps had occurred and an exchange of teases and aggravation between Katherine , her father and the commoners caught in-between had been made

Katherine's father : *Pants heavily* Hah ... hah ... if only I was as young as I was before , I could've caught her ... curses !

Katherine : *Looking from afar* Heh , old man will always be an old man . Well then , I guess I can't return back to my house for today ... time to take a stroll around here then .

In the slums , clay and wooden shacks sporadically strewn throughout the area , most of it close to the wall itself . Several people , all in rags , some looks malnourished and/or covered in dirt are seen outside certain few shacks either sitting doing nothing at all , begging or sleeping .

Katherine : *Kicks a pebble* Blasted old man ... he just can't stop with the Gods teachings and all of that other ""Regalia" this , "Regalia" that" ... *slightly gloomy* it's not that I do not respect what he is and who he follows and does . It's just that -

An act of bullying happening in front of Katherine involving two teenage guy and a little girl

Thug 1 : Oioioi , when are you going to pay for my "healing" fees , huh !? *points at his "injured" foot* Just look at it !

Thug 2 : Yeah , pay us , you slum trash ! The "Gods" had spoken to me - he wants your "OFFERINGS" to be given to us as a sign of "forgiveness" !

Little girl : Ahh ! Hic ... hic ... *Cries in pain from getting beaten up*

Katherine : ... *sighes*

Thug 1 : This is my 'Blessings' to you , you poor being ! Now give me your OFF-fuuergh ... *Faints as he got hit at the back of the head by Katherine with a wooden plank*

Katherine : A faint-worthy knockout touch by the Gods ... now that's a way to send your consciousness briefly up to the heavens , eh ?

Thug 2 : *Briefly confused and stunned* Eh !? Buddy , who was b-Bffuth ! *Faints after getting smashed in the face with the flat-side of the wooden plank by Katherine*

Katherine : That's me ! Forgive me for that , good sir ! *looks at the little girl* ... are you okay , little girl ?

Little girl : Hic ... hic ... I'm okay but I'm scared now ...

Katherine : Scared of ... them ?

Little girl : No , what if the Gods do punish me for not redeeming myself for what I've done to them ?

Katherine : ... *wearing a dissatisfied expression*

Little girl : Sis ... ter ? *perplexed*

Katherine : *Snaps out from brief silence* A-ah , s-sorry about that . I don't think the Gods would punish you ! I-I mean , he-uh , God can tell if you're in the wrong or not and judging from this , I think you did nothing wrong . No need for you to redeem yourself , little girl . I mean look at them , they're the ones who got punished instead ! See ?

Little girl : Umm ... *nods and gives off a grin before leaving Katherine , grateful*

Katherine : ... "Gods" , huh ? *Thinking back about the answer she had given to the little girl*

Flashbacks of Katherine when she was just a little kid holding dearly onto a lifeless body of her mother in tattered clothes while crying her lungs out , in the middle of a ruined village while soaked under a heavy downpour . Her father , clad in full , helm-less armor was seen kneeling close to her , in tears as well

Katherine : ... tch ! *Kicks a pebble with a lot of force , hitting one of the downed thugs , wearing an irritated expression and walks away right after that*

In a narrow corridor at dawn that leads back to the town center , several angry-looking man wielding a blunt weapon is seen blocking Katherine's way in front , with one of the man who was beaten up by her before standing alongside them

Thug 1 : Where do you think you're going , ma'am ? You haven't 'redeem' yourself by paying me the 'healing' fees for the injuries you've caused ...

Katherine : ... oh ... *runs*

Thug 1 : Get her !

A series of scenes of Katherine getting chased by a group of angry thugs in the town center , ending with her just barely able to shake off her pursuers by getting past the guards guarding the gate and right into the castle through one of the opened window , while they're not looking

Katherine : *Pants heavily* hah ... hah ... haaah ... that was close ... now I've got to figure out how to get out of-

Humming sounds are being made at the other side of the wall where Katherine is that gets louder as time passes by

Katherine : Damn it , I got to move out of this room quickly before they decide to come in here !

A series of scenes of Katherine sneaks her way past the Prayer Hall where the praying was heard and into an opened door located behind the altar the moment she wasn't being watched

Katherine : *Lets out a big sigh of relief* Another lucky escape , another big problem . What luck ...

In a throne room at night with a few candles being lit , completely unguarded . Katherine is seen walking into the room .

Katherine : This is the throne room ? I'm surprised that there are no guards here ... well , no harm in a little tour that will never happen for someone like me , huh ?

Katherine tours around the throne room like a curious cat , ending up in front of a series of chevettes that houses the Armor and Sword of Regalia .

Katherine : What are these ? They sure look like it's made for royalty but aren't they a tad bit too ... ornate ? Could the- ... hmm ? Something's off with the wall in the middle of all of these ...

Katherine gently touches the wall in question . A loud thud was made

Katherine : *Panicking* Eek ! W-w-what !

The wall in front of Katherine opens up , revealing an unknown hidden chamber , prompting her to hide herself behind a long drapery nearby to avoid any possible trouble

Katherine : ... no one came out from there ? Phew ... that totally startled me real good . I wonder what's behind there ... *Slowly peeks into the hidden chamber*

In the center of the hidden chamber , a similar Armor and Sword of Regalia lies on an ornate altar , only in bad condition and had it's color peeled right off it . Surrounding the altar are numerous statues of warrior-like figures in a prayer pose all looking towards the altar . A beam of light shines on to the throne that seemingly came from nowhere .

Katherine : That's the same kind of equipment I saw outside here but it looks so badly rusted ... *briefly touches on a piece of the broken armor*

In a private sleeping chamber in the same castle

Helen : *Suddenly wakes up from her slumber in a state of shock* !!! ... what's this I'm feeling ... *stares at the bedroom door that's currently bleeding out warm light at her* this ... this can't be ...

*Chapter 1 End*

Maybe you lack confidence because you keep looking for things to shoot down instead of opportunities for good things to happen. But, what do I know? I'm just a passive observer.

Let's see what happens and try to get Tara to finish a project instead of having you two shaming it to death and then continuing to beat it. Once that is allowed to happen, maybe, just maybe, the creative process of editing will be more helpful. After all, some people just suck at starting things. That's life.

I think you may be missing my point. I'll be more frank.

I believe the things you're pointing out are only symptoms of a larger problem, and constantly trying to band-aid it isn't going to get Tara or anyone here anywhere. From what I understand, Tara hasn't ever really finished a project. Combining that with all that I see does show a lack of understanding of fundamentals, but the fact that it has happened over a span of years suggests that addressing him the same way will only continue the cycle.

That's why instead of worrying about the grammar or story altogether, I'm issuing a challenge: Finish the story. I don't care if the final product looks nothing at all like he'd hoped. Complete something, and from there I believe the creative process will forcibly teach him what y'all cannot seem to get through to him. At this point the only teacher will be experience.