A nu_de woman is frolicking through a beautiful garden. She stops to converse with a snake who is wrapped tightly around the branch of a tree producing a foreign fruit.

Narrator: The serpent, though full of lies, knew the best way to make a lie convincing is to put some truth into it. It’s true, after we ate the fruit we became like God. And as we were enlightened, we crafted the first regalia out of the leaves of the garden which gave us the strength to fend for ourselves.

immediately you don't give us enough context to the situation. Narration adds an opinion of how cunning the serpent was about the lie but you don't mention what the actual lie is. Even if taken directly off the bible it has to be repeated here to give it context.

Narrator: People never stopped wanting to become God. War broke out across the land in the rush for power people began to craft stronger, more efficient regalia. They turned soldiers into weapons of mass destruction, and humanity nearly eradicated itself. For the sake of future generations, the art of crafting regalia was taken to our ancestors’ graves. It has been long since forgotten.

Just because I know that the first sentence is a reference to the Lie the serpent mentioned doesn't mean everyone who knows. But you are immediately rushing to tell us a passage of time that just doesn't help paint a proper picture. You haven't exactly explained to us the impact of Regalia made to this world and already you are mentioning that due to war more efficient regalia are needed?

Narrator: Now we wear the regalia left over from the wars handed down over generations for a thousand years. The regalia I wear fits me purely by coincidence, but it doesn’t suit me at all. It was crafted over a thousand years ago for the arch bishop’s daughter.

Could be structured better. But now you are giving too much information. Why do we need to know that the narrator's regalia doesn't suit them at all. Why do we need to know it was crafted over a 1000 yewrs ago (in which makes more sense to mention earlier) and what context does it matter to us the reader that it is for the Arch Bishops daughter? These things can be explained in their own time but not as n introduction to this story.

The scene changes to a young girl dressed in the clothing of a traditional nun. We are shown that she is the narrator who spoke. She is in a room of a chapel where many clothes are hung up, a wardrobe of regalia. She is accompanied by a knight in a full suit of armor but no helmet. He is quite tall and middle aged with silver hair cut short and sky blue eyes.

Knight: What do you mean it doesn’t suit you, Lady Helen? Well I’m sure she wasn’t as mature as you, but you love the Lord just as much as she did.

Helen: She was a lot fonder of pink than I am. I would’ve gone for a different color.

Knight: Pink? Your habit is black and white. Wait do you mean-
Odd wordage. And I say that fully knowing you are referring to Religious habit which another word for garb
 In this case we are talking about regalia so that word doesn't need to be ised.

Helen looks at him. The Knight blushes.

Knight: The underwear?

Helen: Haha, you said underwear!

Knight: I take back what I said about you being mature.
A very forced joke. Helen making a big deal out of someone saying underwear. It's not a clever like or a natural one. It's these moments that I like to describe "forced reaction" when characters say something so nonsensical only to spark a reaction.

Helen: I’m only joking, Lucius. Looks can be deceiving in this day and age. And at my age, most people wouldn’t see a leader in me. But just as God shaped my body to fit into these clothes he called me to this position for a reason.

Lucius: You are the Oracle of Sanctum.

Helen: But I’m not strong enough, not with this regalia.

Lucius: Not strong enough for what?

Helen: I had a vision. There is a new king of Pulvia, his armies will destroy Fort Peter and he will come to this church himself and demand that we bow down and worship him, or be destroyed.
unnecessarily long sentence and bad sentence structure.

The girl reaches for a dress adorned with many swords entitled the “Blade Regalia”.

Helen: But if I were to wear one of these, the most powerful regalia in all of the land, perhaps, I could have the power to stop him myself.

So again. Lack of context here. The general story feels incredibly simple which isnt a terrible since you need to get back to basics to understand a story. But like a said before you still need to give us the foundation of that story. Not enough to paint a proper picture. What is Pulvia? An opposing kingdom? A kingdom that they are allied with or just a random distant kingdom?

You also make mention of the four most powerful regalia in the land and there's no proper description going on in this story. But it leaves the question of why are the four regalia there? And where exactly is she.

Lucius: You know you can only draw power from a regalia if it fits you properly. You’re much too small to fit into a dress like that.

Helen: I know but I just hate feeling like this. Demons are among us wearing humans as clothing, thousands of Sanctum’s citizens are suffering in poverty, and now this. And I’m stuck here meditating and reading all day. I feel so useless. I wish I could do more.

Lucius: You’ve done more than enough for all of the people of Sanctum. We are at your service, Helen. If there’s anything you need from me, you need but ask.

She turns to him.

Helen: Then I do have a request. There are four sets of regalia here. I need you to find the people who can fit into these regalia.

in this scene it perfectly shows how you don't understand the position these characters are in. This Helen is clearly has governmental position yet everything is explained too casually. In what should sound like an important strategy meeting sounds like a lazy conversation between 2 characters.


The scene changes to a medieval nobleman’s home made of brick. In the garden behind the house a man and a woman are practicing swordplay in a duel against one another. The two fight as equals until the woman makes a sloppy decision. The man takes advantage of the opening and stops his weapon just before her throat as a sign of defeat.

The Man: It’s not like you to be this sloppy, Katherine. Something on your mind?

Katherine: Sorry, Dad, I just

The Father: Your enemy won’t let you get away with that sloppy performance

You mentioned sloppy three times. Try to use a thesaurus when you mention these things. A more accurate word would be careless. But additionally we don't know what she did exactly that made it seem "sloppy".

Katherine: I don’t want to join the military, Dad.

The Father: Katherine, you know it’s our duty to serve our country as a Knight of noble blood.

He places his hand on her shoulder. Understanding her distress.

The Father: Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like, it’s a part of life. . . I think that’s enough practice for today. We’ll pick it up tomorrow.

Katherine: Alright.

Later that afternoon, Katherine is sitting on a bench in the garden reading a book. An older woman walks up to her.

The Woman: Katherine, this is second time you’ve missed dance rehearsal, you know they need you in the praise team.

Katherine: Sorry, Mom, but I’m old enough to start looking for a husband, and I

The Mother: That’s no reason to skip out on your obligations to the church

Katherine: Am I not allowed to feel excited about this?

The Mother: Katherine. You need to get your priorities straight. Who comes first? God or-

Katherine: Well the church and God are two different things-

The Mother: Katherine! Not another word.

This argument makes absolutely no sense. It looks like an important piece of dialogue is missing to make better sense of this. Katherine is excited for...what exactly? And there's also dance rehearsal for what exactly? I thought her family was dedicated to training her to be a soldier. So how does that correlate with dance rehearsal?

The father approaches them accompanied by two members of the church, a blonde woman and a brown-haired man.

Katherine (Thinking): Inquisitors? But we already had our examinations this year.

The Blonde: Sorry to interrupt Mrs. Smith, but prophet Helen has ordered that we perform a physical examination of all citizens. Do not be alarmed, this is purely routine.

The Mother: Of course, this is my only daughter, Katherine.
of all citizens, and the mother offers her daughter first? It seems unnecessary unless they specifically had no need for the mother. But context would need to be added.

The Blonde: It’s nice to meet you, Katherine. My name is Evie Thompson, and I’ll be your examiner today.

The scene changes to a more private room within the house where Evie is taking Katherine’s measurements. Stripped down to her undergarments, Katherine isn’t the least bit embarrassed; in fact, she is holding a conversation with the inquisitor.

Katherine: I swear talking to them is like talking to a brick wall. I don’t want to serve in the military. I wouldn’t have to if I married out of this family. I just want to be able to settle down, have a family and live a normal life.

Evie: Amen to that.
I feel like this moment was to force exposition on the character rather than properly explain. You Don't dedicate scenes where characters express themselves and that's not good here. I feel like every scene you make absolutely has to move the story into the next stage and it destroys proper character building.

Evie’s eyes widen as she takes the last measurement.

Evie (Speaking to herself): You-you’re a perfect fit.

Katherine: Excuse me?

Evie: Get dressed, quickly.

Evie leaves the room as Katherine puts her clothes back on.

Katherine: What was that all about?

Katherine (Thinking): “perfect fit” . . . for a regalia?

Evie returns with the other inquisitor.

The Man: Ms. Smith, we need you to come with us.

Evie: I’m really sorry about this, Katherine.

Okay at this point I don't feel the need to make it so alarming. You already hinted multiple times that Regalia don't respond to just physical capable but mentally aswell. So here you can further enforce that idea by having Evie doubt she is compatible for a regalia but taking her in just because protocol requires it.

The inquisitors take Katherine to the Cathedral where Helen was speaking with Lucius. The take her to the wardrobe room where only Helen and two others were waiting, a boyish young man and a young woman no older than Katherine. Katherine quickly bows down with her head to the ground.

Helen: Please, tell me your name.

Katherine: Katherine Angela Smith, I’m at your service, ma’am.
This scene also makes no sense either. Here she is willing to serve Helen. But no context as to why. Does Katherine recognize her as a valid authority? Why? She was clearly against the church in the early part of the story. 

Helen kneels down and pulls Katherine’s head up by her chin.

Helen: Rise up Katherine, for this is a momentous occasion. Sanctum is in a time of crisis. The armies of Pulvia have risen up under a new king. Our armies are not strong enough to face this new enemy and so we must take advantage of the regalia left behind by our ancestors

Once again this is a very poor explanation. You had a chance to give proper exposition and you didnt. I'm asking the same questions I am in the beginning.
Katherine’s eyes widen and she remembers Evie’s mysterious apology.

Katherine (Thinking): Eli . . .

Helen: The Lord has chosen you three to wear the regalia because you are the only ones who can.

Katherine (Thinking): Eli . . .

Helen: You are our last line of defense. You will have the power to move mountains at your fingertips. Say goodbye to your normal lives.

Katherine (Thinking): Lema sabachthani!

Translation: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
Very dramatic very fast. And again no context to Regalia. They are just to super weapon X that you never properly establish.

You say I'm not right in the head, but the obsessive nature behind that entire reply should make you question your own mental health. Wouldn't it color you as insane if I'm actually as stubborn as you think I am? I reject facts clearly. Your reply is too long for one, you need to learn how to speak concisely, but that's the least of my problems with it.

Anyway. I'm not going to try to out-cite you because surprisingly enough you don't win arguments on the internet that way.

However, Lumaria is correct the core of my problem is here, glaringly obvious now that she's said it, and I did indeed forget about it. I'm sure you have no idea what it is.

That's what you mean by "preaching? Oh Lord. I talked about forgiveness I was considering actual psychological constructs that you don't even need to cite a source for because it's common sense. When you hold a grudge against someone unless you actually take actions on it, you have to expend energy and resources to fuel that hatred you have on that person. Meanwhile that person sleeps easy every night possibly even unaware that you are upset with them. Mathematically speaking the grudge is doing you a disservice because you're worried about what this person did to you while he's sleeping easy that night.

Based on my convictions Jesus already died for my sins so why would I ever care how you feel about my sins? Can you get me into heaven? I'm sorry that's not preaching, that was just me trying to spread some wisdom that most people don't figure out because I'm actually not angry at you. I was making a hyperbolic joke when I compared forgiving me to the crucifixion.

I'm not asking you to nail yourself to a cross, but consider forgiveness is more a service to you than the person you're forgiving.

This is a part of my argument about how you need to work on speaking concisely. TLDR is meme of basically how poorly and shortly you can summarize a topic. It's not a good thing that you summarized your position that way. But I did completely misinterpret it.

I would like to, but I actually can't speak on any critical aspects of the game at this time. I can speak on very general topics, but I'm sure that being able to see the design documents would help create the continuity that you would prefer before you. My goal is to make blade regalia open source to help other developers interested in similar projects, but I can't just yet. As soon as I can you'll be the first to see it. I'm actually not the owner of my indie studios LLC but the story of Blade Regalia isn't something that would be monetized in the way that the game is. What I mean is I won't be selling comic books, this is just a service to the players to understand why they're doing the weird things they're doing in the game. If you were wondering why Blade Regalia has some christian undertones, that's because a church has invested in my company, or I should say, donated. Yes, that's why this is the one and only story where the church isn't the antagonist.

Back on topic

I don't care about your respect in any of these regards. All I care about is that if you have a problem with my work, you take that out on my work instead of attacking me as person

To be perfectly honest with you mate, do not care. I'm completely indifferent. Didn't even notice it got locked, but thank you for requesting that. Now I see it would cause a lot of clutter to talk about the game anyway. If you believe it's necessary to know the game to work on the lore beforehand then I fully respect that. You being an arse to me doesn't bother me enough to actually want to take actions against you doing that. I couldn't be bothered. It's not like you're spamming me or anything.